by Edward Craft
t about 6:30 in the evening, a rumor began to spread in our group of families on the 19th floor of a Nanchang hotel. Word had it that the children had arrived and were, at that very moment, one floor above us.No one knew exactly what to do. Our first thought was to return to our rooms and call to get the straight story. Our second thought – the one we acted on – was to head on up to 20 and find out for ourselves. But just as we approached the elevator, the doors opened, and from a distance of about thirty feet I saw the face of my daughter.
She didn't look that much like her referral photo, which by then was about six months old, out of date by nearly half her life. But as our eyes locked I knew it was her. And, to this day, I have never let go of the belief that she somehow knew who I was, too.
As a caretaker held her, my wife and I had a quick chat with our facilitator, verified that this was, indeed, our child, and I moved in to take possession. That had been our plan all along. I was to be the one lucky enough to first hold Mira.
It didn't work out that way. Mira was frightened and crying. I made two hesitant moves to take her. Each time she pulled away. My wife, Jaclyn, never one to brook indecision for a prolonged period of time, stepped in and took Mira in her arms. Mira didn't stop crying, but at least now had a clear idea of who was in charge.
Becoming Parents
It was Jaclyn's idea that I be the one to take Mira from the caretakers. My wife is an incredibly affectionate and loving woman, but she was extremely nervous about having a child. She had this crazy notion it would be a life-changing experience. So, she spent a considerable amount of time in denial.
Before our trip, I stayed awake nights obsessing about whether powdered-formula manufacturers pack a measuring scoop inside the can. Jaclyn stayed awake obsessing about whether her blow dryer would work in China. (They do, it didn't.)
As a result, Jaclyn was concerned about how she would react when we got Mira, and felt the safest route would be for me to take her. I'll confess only here, and only after all this time, that I never really expected it to happen that way.
As an instantaneous parent Jaclyn was perfect. And after my initial bout of tentativeness I did okay too. The transformation into parenthood was effortless. Dr. Spock had it right: you know more than you think you do. He could have gone on to also say you can do more than you think you can.
Mira was fantastic. For the next ten days it was fascinating to watch her take in a new world. She was – and still is – the most actively observant person I have ever seen. It was the greatest joy in those first few days to see her anxieties evaporate along with ours. She had every bit as much fun as we did on that incredible trip.
Growing The Family
Watching Mira grow up is one of the great pleasures of my life. She is a true beauty, a gifted athlete, and one of the sharpest wits I have ever encountered. She is courageous, kind and generous. As much as I love her, I admire her even more.
Over the years, Mira has been back to China several times to help her mother – and, once, her mother and me – do volunteer work in orphanages. When she and Jaclyn returned from Mira's first trip, I met them at the airport. Mira's first words to me were these: "Papa, I want a sister. And there are lots of little girls there who need families."
Since coming home with Mira, Jaclyn and I had thought a lot about whether to adopt again. We went back and forth about it, but were never quite in synch. Sometimes she was pro and I was con, sometimes it was the other way around. But finally, with the catalyst of Mira's declaration, we arrived at the same place. We were both squarely and inescapably on the fence.
We just didn't know. And for about another year we thought about it constantly. All this time, Mira never wavered. Finally we decided to let her vote break the tie. But we didn't exactly rush into it.
We took forever starting the paperwork. Then we spent forever finishing it. Then, of course, we started complaining about how long the process takes.
For anyone reading this who is thinking about adopting from China, here is the straight story. We all complain about the mountain of paperwork one has to do. The reality is that you can get through all the paperwork in a few days if you really apply yourself. It might take a tiny bit longer if you don't have a halfway decent filing system.
By the way, everyone complains about how long the process takes, even during those rare times when it moves rather quickly. But guess when most people – including us – start getting the child's room ready? About a week before the trip, best case. Twice in my life now, two times out of two, I have finished putting together a crib just before the car service shows up at five in the morning to take us to the airport. And I know I'm not alone. Not even close.
That said, the wait is excruciating.
Waiting For Jolie
With just enough coaxing from our agency caseworker at just the right times we finally completed our paperwork. Our dossier went to China and we decided on a name for our second daughter: Jolie. As the many months went by, Jaclyn waited patiently. So did Mira. Every night she looked out the window to the west and said good morning to Jolie. Every morning she stood at the same window to tell her sister good night.
I fretted.
One late November night, while out walking one of our dogs, it occurred to me rather vividly that by now, given where we were in the process and the likely age of the child that would be referred to us, this would probably be about the time our child was born. It was a very odd sensation. It was also very frustrating, because I knew we were still almost a year away.
I looked up at the sky and picked a bright star for Jolie. Every night after that I talked to Jolie through that star. I told her I loved her and that we would be there as soon as we could. That first night I made a note of the date – November 23rd – the time, and location in the night sky of the star I had chosen.
A few days later I found a chart to help me determine which star it was. As far as I could tell from the chart, in that location on November 23, the star I had selected wasn't a star at all. It was Jupiter.
Nine months later we got our referral. We saw pictures of Jolie, found out where she was, and discovered that her date of birth was November 23.
Thank you, Jupiter.
Eight weeks later Jaclyn, Mira and I packed up and headed for China.
Jolie was ten months old. She had been at the children's welfare institute in Maoming, a mid-size city in the Guangdong province, so near Guangzhou that we spent our entire trip there. We received Jolie at Guangzhou's Civil Affairs office, and this time I successfully made the catch.
Once again, the photo we received didn't prepare us well, even though this time it was only a few weeks old. In it, Jolie looked like a rather large, pudgy girl bearing an unsettling resemblance to Nikita Khrushchev. But the photograph hadn't come close to doing her justice. Jolie in the flesh was tiny, delicate, and absolutely gorgeous.
Jolie immediately struck me as a surprisingly happy child, and when she got a glimpse of Mira she became positively gleeful. She broke out in the most beautiful, beaming grin you can imagine. It was love at first sight, a love that has grown – for both of them – every day in the months we have been home.
The wonderful thing about adopting a second time from China – besides having another fantastic child – is that you get all the joy and magic of the first time without the overhanging cloud of worry that follows you everywhere in round one. You don't run to the clinic every time your child sniffles because you know they all come with the sniffles. You don't try to control everything because you have already learned you can't control much of anything. You trust the process. We thank our lucky stars – and now count Jupiter as one of them – that the process works so incredibly well.
