Samantha Jade Yu Yi

by Lynn Bowers

y husband John and I recently returned from China with Samantha Jade, from Changsha, Hunan Province, born on 5/4/05. Our journey took almost two years from our first Gladney meeting til the day we brought our daughter home. We never thought we could survive the months of paperwork, waiting for the referral, then travel dates. But of course we did, thanks to the expert care of Andrea Yonai, Gongzhan Wu and everyone in the NY Gladney office. We cannot thank them enough and add special thanks to our Chinese guides, Jennifer in Beijing, Ashley in Changsha, and Sampson in Guangzhou.

For what it's worth, in the hope that we can help other Gladney families, here are some things to consider:

Going to China Early for Sightseeing

We resisted the idea. We'd have to miss more work, we'd have additional travel costs, and who could really enjoy sightseeing, especially when we were going to be parents in a few days? Our advice? GO!

At this point, we already made a huge financial commitment, and the cash started to feel like Monopoly money. This journey was a leap of faith, and we can't recall hearing any tales of financial ruin because of adoption. Being able to have some "couple time" also gave us the chance to settle, breathe, get used to the time change, and get into the culture and feel of a new country. New language, new money, new food, new people- so much to take in.

We are so glad we had those four days to adjust before meeting our daughter for the first time. We also had the chance to get to know our travel group- which was enormously helpful when I needed a shoulder to cry on in a hotel hallway. (Wah! I'm a first time mom, and my baby won't take a nap!)

Sure, touring the Forbidden City, shopping for Chairman Mao watches? It's not why you're really there, and we did have several zone-out moments where we wanted to yell WHERE's OUR DAUGHTER? But climbing the Great Wall of China? Priceless!

Seven Things We Could Not Have Survived Without

1. Chinese Lullaby CD

We were told the orphanage children listen to music at bedtime, and this might make our baby more comfortable. It was almost magic, and the music will soothe you as well. We've continued to play it every night since we got home as part of our bedtime routine. Ours is the Beijing Angelic Choir singing traditional Chinese lullabies- under $20 on amazon.com.

2. Drugs

I could barely lift my carry-on. For us? Airborne, cough drops, Sudafed, Advil, Visine, Alka-Seltzer Cold, Zicam, Pepto-Bismol, Benadryl and prescriptions for Cipro, Zithromax, and Xanax. For the baby? Everything that our doctor recommended. We used most of it, and with the exception of the basic pain relievers, never saw any of it in the hotel gift shops.

In Changsha, our baby had to go to the Pediatric Hospital for a respiratory infection. Though this was certainly frightening to us, our guide Ashley went with us to interpret and stayed with us until Samantha's fever broke. For the rest of our stay, he was with us, or on the phone making sure everything was fine. This goes way beyond helping us with adoption paperwork, and it would be hard for us to believe we would get this level of care with another agency.

3. Laptop

Our NY doctor, Jane Aronson, was reachable by phone and email 24/7, and she got back to us immediately with instructions on what medications to give our child, and follow up with us to ensure Samantha's return to normal health.

Ashley helped us buy (and use) inexpensive phone cards to call home, but it was great to send back up emails to the doctor- within 30 minutes we had a reply. We also lived for our emails- keeping in touch with our family was easier to do in the comfort of our pajamas.

4. Sneakers

Lots of walking- we even lost a few pounds while we were there!

5. Eye Cream

Pollution and lack of sleep - wow, it was amazing how quickly the dark circles came out. I brought Clarins eye cream with me, which is ridiculously expensive, but every day I was able to give myself a little pampering, and it helped ease my mind that I was appearing in public without a stitch of makeup. Who had time for that now!!!

6. Paperback Books

We didn't dare turn on the TV while the baby was sleeping in the room with us, so it was good to have something quiet to do. Journaling is a good idea but we were too tired to write, and internet service was often erratic, so books came in handy.

7. Snacks

We scoffed at the Been There, Done That crowd who said we'd tire of Chinese food. We considered ourselves NY foodies, ate ethnic food all the time and were no strangers to Chinese takeout. However, though most of our meals were quite good, it was great to have some power bars on hand when the local food seemed different than West Side Cottage on 9th Avenue!!

Bonding and Attachment

We heard that the baby might only attach to one parent. For me, as the mother, I thought I could handle it, but secretly I thought it would be my husband that might be shut out for a few days, never me. After all, I was the mom! As it turned out, our baby definitely showed a preference for Daddy, to the point where she was inconsolable unless she was in his arms. She would not let me feed her, or put her to bed, or calm her when she was upset. Perhaps being a woman, I might have reminded Samantha of her loss - of her birthmother, of her caregivers at the orphanage. Or maybe my husband is bigger and stronger than I am, and he might have felt safer to her during this stressful transition time.

Though I'd like to think I'm a full-fledged adult, this was extremely hard on me- more than once, I had to go outside our hotel room because I was so weepy, thinking our baby would never accept me. It's funny now that we're home in NJ, and we are so bonded and joined at the hip for most of the day. But in China, it was a different story.

We emailed Dr. Aronson a few days after getting Samantha. She suggested that perhaps "Daddy" might have to make himself scarce for a few hours- maybe go out to get a bite to eat, or walk around the hotel to give me and the baby some bonding time. We also decided that even though Daddy was the safety net for calming fears, going to sleep, and general holding, I would take on food. In other words, if Samantha wanted to eat, she was going to get the bottle and meals from me.

This really worked well for us. In a few days, Samantha decided I wasn't so bad. After all, I kept giving her these warm bottles and delicious food. And maybe the show tunes I sang to her weren't so terrible either. By the time we left China, we were on our way to full acceptance for both Mom and Dad.

And now we're home and I'm still singing those show tunes to my daughter. I figure I only have a few years before we'll be listening to "her" music, and she tells us to stop playing our Chinese lullaby CD!!!

With the best wishes to all Gladney families, and thanks again to the Gladney team,

Lynn, John, and Samantha Bowers